We had chosen Tears in Heaven, Immortality and I’m your angel as the lyrics were perfect for Lenny’s service. The idea of having a smaller service with 6 of us was quickly changed as there was an abundance of support flowing in from friends we’d met so far in New Zealand. I was so overwhelmed and grateful that so many were wanting to support us and be there on this day.
I had a meeting with the crematorium director and shared our wishes to have Lenny cremated and brought back to us so we could have a service for him ourselves. I felt like we were being taken for a ride as the bill for a simple cremation was creeping up. I snapped when I was asked to choose a colour for a coffin and the type of woods I would like. Why the fuck would I want to choose between a few thousand dollar wooden boxes which I’ll never see and will just get burnt. I instantly felt bad for what I had said but he completely understood what I meant and went to his car to show my husband some Urns to choose from.
My family had arrived and I pulled myself together and put on a brave face for them. I felt as though I had to protect them from hurting too. We shared our photos of Lenny on our phones and stories of how he came into the world. It was such a relief to have them there with us and I will forever be grateful they all came. The moment I decided to show them the playlist I had put together I started to unravel. It had hit me that these songs were going to be played for a church full of people paying their respects to our baby they will never get to meet. Why is life so cruel and unfair.
Within the next few days I had Lenny’s name tattooed on my left wrist so I could see it every day and I’m so glad I chose to do this. The tattoo artist asked who Lenny is and I cheerfully replied that he is my son. The artist then asked how old my son is and I replied he was born sleeping 4 days ago… There was an awkward silence and I accepted that this was going to happen for the rest of my life.
Halloween came around so fast and my parents had organised 26 balloons to symbolise October 26th. These were to be released to heaven at the end of the church service. We’d been given many nights worth of home cooked meals from people in the community which was amazing. Our friends popped by with a beautiful hamper full of treats and my mum had organised candles and flowers from relatives back in Australia. I’d been gifted some pampering at a hairdressers which led me to meeting a fellow angel mum with a tattoo on her left wrist of her daughter Sinead.
I connected with her instantly and am forever grateful to this day to have her in my life.
Comments